Tips for Being a Decent Person: #1

#1 - Always carry at least $71 in hard currency on your person.

I understand that for many people credit/debit cards have eliminated the need to carry cash and, where they haven't, ATMs are most often within walking distance (or at most, a short bicycle ride). However, should any/all of these systems fail, why let yourself become a victim of circumstance? Credit card machines will malfunction. ATMs will malfunction. Make sure that you can still purchase goods or services that you want and, in turn, the provider of said goods or services will make sure he can provide you with change for your purchase.

Why $71? Because that's all I have on my person today. I would've said $83, but as I walked out of the house this morning with $12 less than that, I settled on $71. Really, anything over $53 will do. It's just nice to have some extra for unforseen expenses/extortion. Keep $53 in your shirt or jacket pocket, and the rest in pants or a sock. Should a situation arise in which you are being extorted, you can always reach into your shirt or jacket and say "Damn, this is all I have." It's convincing because the extorter sees you pull everything out of your pocket and hand it over and assumes that is where you keep all your money. However, after the situation is diffused with an exchange of cash, you'll still have money left over for other unforseen expenses/extortions... and a visit to the Dollar Menu at McDonald's.

Note: This also comes in handy if your name is Anthony. Ajay doesn't like paying for your lunch when your busted ass credit card doesn't work.

Ten Things to Do While Visiting India

1. Immediately regret going to India.
2. Thank God for the malaria pills you've been taking after you see the size of the mosquitoes.
3. Realize that nobody in India above age 12 wears shorts.
4. Hang out in the foothills of the Himalayas with European backpackers.
5. Sleep with female European backpackers.
6. Be amazed at how much food you can get for $5.
7. Be full after only $1 of food, then feel bad for buying $4 more and not finishing it.
8. Always look like a foreigner no matter how hard you try.
9. Give up on trying to experience the "real" India and stay in a fancy Western hotel.
10. Try not to get food poisoning.

Bonus:
11. Try not to constantly laugh at the silly accent.

Things You Should Try in 2008

Every so often, something comes along that makes me happier than the usual jovial person that I am. I'd be remiss if I didn't take note of these things and suggest them to friends, family, coworkers, enemies, and strangers. This marks the beginning and the early stages of what will be a rather extensive compilation of things I recommend this year.

Lays Classic Potato Chips
These guys have been around forever, but it seems they've made them just a hair thicker recently which has done wonders for the crispiness. Put down the bag of organic baked whole wheat artichoke-flavored crap you're eating right now and give these a shot.
Note: Don't try them unless you have teeth. Newborns, I'm looking at you.

"American Boy" by Estelle, featuring Kanye West
I just can't get enough of this song. Although if it's played at the wedding on Saturday, it might be ruined.

Gatorade Tiger
Almost everyone who has talked to me in the past 2 weeks knows that I'm now obsessed with this stuff. So far I've had either a Red Drive or Cool Fusion every morning after my bike ride (or after a rough night at the bar) and it's wonderful. I haven't brought myself to try the purple variety yet, but I highly doubt I will since i hate grape-flavored anything (save jam).
Note: Not just for athletes. If it's good enough for Woodrow "Tiger" Woods, it's probably good enough for you.

Al's Pizzeria
I've had something obscene like 5 or 6 lunches from this place in the past week. And I haven't spent more than $6.00 for any of those meals. A $2.75 individual sausage pizza and a $2.50 cheese pizza puff (BIG and more doughy than greasy, like a pint-sized calzone) will leave you satisfied until Memorial Day. If you'd like, a fountain drink is just $1.25. Plus, the food comes up pretty quick; I just go up there, order, and 3 minutes later, I'm out the door with lunch in hand.
Note: It's at 87th (Boughton) and Woodward in Woodridge. I know there are 2 more locations, another pizzeria and a more dinner-oriented restaurant, in North Riverside and Cicero, respectively.

That's all I've got for now, but I guarantee there will be more within the next couple weeks when I completely get sick of all these things.