Following up on my list of Things You Should Try in 2008, this is a list of things to avoid trying when possible. While I discourage some of these items/activities based on experience, a couple are based purely on speculation (and common sense).
Those Chicken Wraps from Either McDonald's or Wendy's
What a total letdown. Both places incorporate warm chicken surrounded by cold lettuce, cold cheese, and a tortilla (not warm). The tortilla ends up getting cold from the the cheese and lettuce and the chicken ends up lukewarm at best by the time you get it out of the wrapper resulting in immense disappointment. Sack up and go get a real wrap from a deli.
Blowing Through Your Paycheck
I've done this twice. Once around here and again in New York. While I don't recommend completely spending your paycheck on a trip somewhere, I don't discourage it. There's no harm with having some out of town fun once in a while. Just don't make it a habit. However, if you're spending your entire paycheck around where you live, something's seriously wrong. Chances are you're drinking too much, eating too much expensive food, and buying too many unnecessary things.
Crack
Just don't.
Walking Up Six Flights of Stairs When an Elevator Is Nearby
I made this mistake in New York because I didn't realize an elevator was nearby. I was also carrying a 25 pound backpack and a small suitcase. Lesson learned. Always look for an elevator. If one is not present, complain, sit around waiting for one to be put in, then give up and go somewhere else when you realize nobody heard you complain and nobody would care if they did hear you.
Note: It's acceptable to climb up to 3 flights of stairs. But not often.
As I continually do things I shouldn't, additions to this list will pop up periodically.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
Tips for Being a Decent Person: #3
#3: Admitting when you're wrong.
While it is a widely accepted fact that Decent People are almost never wrong, we occasionally slip up. A couple examples include:
While it is a widely accepted fact that Decent People are almost never wrong, we occasionally slip up. A couple examples include:
- Bill Clinton lying about getting a hummer.
- 80% of Robert Downey, Jr.'s life.
- Robin Ventura charging the mound after getting beaned by Nolan Ryan.
I am no exception. My picks for the 2008 Kentucky Derby were atrocious. I apologize to my bank account for not betting on Big Brown. It was a silly, misguided decision fueled by a bit of hubris. I've since realized that while I am indeed a sports genius, I lack sufficient knowledge of horse racing to be making picks and suggesting them to other people. For that, I am deeply sorry. And of course, now I can tell you not to do what I did. Because I'm a Decent Person and it's my reponsibility to do so.
Note: It's still acceptable to put some money down on ponies and lose. Just make sure you admit to it and regret it later. Also, while I'll no longer be making suggestions for horse races, don't rule out Big Brown to take the Triple Crown.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Tips for Being a Decent Person: #2
#2 - Bet on horses occasionally.
Yes, occasional gambling is part of being a decent person. No, cockfighting is not included.
Horse racing is the Sport of Kings. Think about it this way: Kings are pretty decent people. And just look at all the well-dressed racists that attend the Kentucky Derby each year in suits (seersucker is wonderfully appropriate) and large, fancy hats. Racism and rampant alcoholism aside, these are decent people.
I know making it down to the Kentucky Derby each year is not feasible for nearly half of the general populace in this country, so there's no harm in attending horse races locally. If you happen to live around Chicago though, the one special place to go is Arlington for the Arlington Million. It's a wonderful event, and though you're surrounded by Midwesterners, feel free to wear your fancy hats, ladies.
Like almost half of America, I will not be able to make it to the Derby this year, mostly because I have a job, and that job doesn't pay me enough to be able to afford to take time off and travel to a horse race. That's why I, along with several friends, will be placing bets at the local Off-Track Betting facility (just 5 minutes from my home) and then attending an impromptu Derby party at a local watering hole. Now, I don't know much about horse racing, but after skimming some very superficial information about the horses running the main event tomorrow, I've decided to share my picks:
Court Vision: This horse, despite having a fairly mundane name, is a solid pick to take one of the top three spots at the Derby. Court Vision is a terrific sprinter with some good late speed.
Z Fortune: Three wins and two second place finishes in six races. If this horse gets a decent start, it'll be an interesting finish.
Adriano: Check out this pedigree: Secretariat ---> Weekend Surprise ---> Seattle Slew ---> A.P. Indy ---> Adriano. That's equine royalty.
Denis of Cork: Good distance pedigree with a smart jockey (Calvin Borel, winner with Street Sense last year) aboard. Not a breakout horse, but a decent pick to show.
Gayego: This horse won the Arkansas Derby, which has often been a litmus test for elite horses. Jockey Mike Smith won the 2005 Kentucky Derby at 50-1 odds on Giacomo.
Recapturetheglory: Coming off a 4-length victory at the Illinois Derby, this horse has a decent shot to show with two wins, a second, and two third place finishes in six starts. Early breakaway speed might come in handy if the pack clogs up a little in the middle/rear. The question is, does Gayego have enough endurance to hold off any late sprinters?
Colonel John: A late sprinter and terrific distance horse. While the odds are a lot better (currently 4-1), I won't be putting too much down on Colonel John, but it'd be foolish to completely ignore this horse.
Notice, I haven't mentioned Big Brown yet. I'm pretty skeptical about this horse despite winning all three career starts so far. Two quarter cracks have turned me away along with a poor post position. If Big Brown doesn't get a good early jump, mediocrity is a very distinct possibility come Saturday, which will be much to the chagrin of trainer Richard Dutrow, Jr., who has spent much of the week expressing his confidence in the horse.
Come tomorrow, I'll be dropping about $100 on these horses. Feel free to spend up to $400 on Derby bets while still holding on to the title of a Decent Person. Any more than that, and you're bordering on a gambling addiction and decent people aren't addicted to anything but tobacco, alcohol, cheesesteak, and women. But that will be covered in later posts.
Good luck.
Yes, occasional gambling is part of being a decent person. No, cockfighting is not included.
Horse racing is the Sport of Kings. Think about it this way: Kings are pretty decent people. And just look at all the well-dressed racists that attend the Kentucky Derby each year in suits (seersucker is wonderfully appropriate) and large, fancy hats. Racism and rampant alcoholism aside, these are decent people.
I know making it down to the Kentucky Derby each year is not feasible for nearly half of the general populace in this country, so there's no harm in attending horse races locally. If you happen to live around Chicago though, the one special place to go is Arlington for the Arlington Million. It's a wonderful event, and though you're surrounded by Midwesterners, feel free to wear your fancy hats, ladies.
Like almost half of America, I will not be able to make it to the Derby this year, mostly because I have a job, and that job doesn't pay me enough to be able to afford to take time off and travel to a horse race. That's why I, along with several friends, will be placing bets at the local Off-Track Betting facility (just 5 minutes from my home) and then attending an impromptu Derby party at a local watering hole. Now, I don't know much about horse racing, but after skimming some very superficial information about the horses running the main event tomorrow, I've decided to share my picks:
Court Vision: This horse, despite having a fairly mundane name, is a solid pick to take one of the top three spots at the Derby. Court Vision is a terrific sprinter with some good late speed.
Z Fortune: Three wins and two second place finishes in six races. If this horse gets a decent start, it'll be an interesting finish.
Adriano: Check out this pedigree: Secretariat ---> Weekend Surprise ---> Seattle Slew ---> A.P. Indy ---> Adriano. That's equine royalty.
Denis of Cork: Good distance pedigree with a smart jockey (Calvin Borel, winner with Street Sense last year) aboard. Not a breakout horse, but a decent pick to show.
Gayego: This horse won the Arkansas Derby, which has often been a litmus test for elite horses. Jockey Mike Smith won the 2005 Kentucky Derby at 50-1 odds on Giacomo.
Recapturetheglory: Coming off a 4-length victory at the Illinois Derby, this horse has a decent shot to show with two wins, a second, and two third place finishes in six starts. Early breakaway speed might come in handy if the pack clogs up a little in the middle/rear. The question is, does Gayego have enough endurance to hold off any late sprinters?
Colonel John: A late sprinter and terrific distance horse. While the odds are a lot better (currently 4-1), I won't be putting too much down on Colonel John, but it'd be foolish to completely ignore this horse.
Notice, I haven't mentioned Big Brown yet. I'm pretty skeptical about this horse despite winning all three career starts so far. Two quarter cracks have turned me away along with a poor post position. If Big Brown doesn't get a good early jump, mediocrity is a very distinct possibility come Saturday, which will be much to the chagrin of trainer Richard Dutrow, Jr., who has spent much of the week expressing his confidence in the horse.
Come tomorrow, I'll be dropping about $100 on these horses. Feel free to spend up to $400 on Derby bets while still holding on to the title of a Decent Person. Any more than that, and you're bordering on a gambling addiction and decent people aren't addicted to anything but tobacco, alcohol, cheesesteak, and women. But that will be covered in later posts.
Good luck.
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